Gratefulness & Beauty
{Note: Started writing this post on friday, but only able to publish it today}
A few nights ago I was standing on my balcony breathing in all the beauty of the star filled sky & taking in some fresh air. The house next door was having a party, with the noise, the music pounding, the loud stupid drunken laughs {i know mine must also sound like that after a few drinks}.
And there would be no other place I'd rather be than on this balcony-oh-so-connected to this sky & mountain & half moon shining. It brought back to me the memories of so many parties I've been too in my young years, of so many nights spent gazing up there, trying to find a connection to something that would feel more real than this young partying-faking-numbing-crowd.
Today I am standing exactly where I feel I ought to. Surrounded by nature. With a wild mind. Getting back a sense of 'myself'. Reconnecting with my creativity. Whether it be in self expression on the blog, writing, photographing the beautiful people in my life, baking for my loved ones...
I am learning to find happiness in gratitude. Gratitude for the most mundane basics of the daily living. It can be found in a morning jog in the forest trail alongside my lover, in eating a scrumptious homemade tatin aux mirabelles with a dollop of fresh homemade ricotta, or lunching on a homemade cornmeal bread simply served with cheese & jambon cru, in dancing on Papa was a rolling stone with my lil family while baking...
In music also. Actually music is so important in my life. It's a pity I tend to forget it so often. Music has a similar effect on me as alcohol has. It elates me & makes me feel happy. It brings out my tears & all my stuffed emotions which induce healing. And it brings rhythm into my body that starts jumping & twisting in every direction.
So here we are. Surrounding ourselves with love & beauty. Learning to change the ugly into the beautiful. Running, free as this lil guy.
Week #8 Bonne nuit
Ce soir tu es fatigué. Ce soir je suis rentrée a la maison a 18h45 après une longue journée de boulot et je suis fatiguée. Ce soir ton papa est moody parcequ'il a du avoir une journée de travail pas facile. Et ce soir a 20hr30 j'ai pas envie d'entendre 'MAMAAAN' pour la 847ème fois en 1hr. Je n'ai pas envie que tu me répète chaque parole de 'Cars' et que tu me décrive chaque scène. Et non je n'ai ni l'envie, ni la force de jouer au tracteur. Et je sens ma mâchoire se serrer, les mots se bousculer pour faire mal, les tensions accumulées qui veulent sortir.
Week #7, Valentine's etc
I often find myself repeating the same words to start my posts " time flies, days go by so quickly…"
A beautiful, slow paced week-end, that included a friendly & out of this world lunch in Chamarel gorgeous mountains the week-end before, enjoying good company, pinot grigrio, fish terrine & a decadent salad.
A sunday picnic at the beach, relaxing in the hammock while reading the newspaper.
A sweet Valentine's day that ended up with a romantic dinner at home while Jules was sound asleep upstairs. Sipping some Viognier while baking a cheese soufflé, savoring the latter (so light, it melted in our mouth) served with a roquette & lardon salad on the side; We finished the meal with a chocolate coulant topped with some crème fraiche & fruit des bois. All of it along with good conversation. A sweet Valentine's day.
Well the picture does make it sound all prefect and shiny. But that's not the whole picture. If you want the raw, there's been a few days of sulk over silly matters with my man last week. There was working at the shop on saturdays. There were too many orders of baking. And not enough time to get things crossed off my endless-to-do-list.
Bref, getting closer to myself. And to the life I want to live. A life filled with love and waffles, cakes and pavlovas.
La place des choses
Long week-end de déconnexion a Pointe d'Esny. Un portable qui ne capte pas. Un mac a peine ouvert. De bons repas mijotés par belle-maman. De la pluie pour rafraichir. Du soleil pour dorer ma peau. L'ombre des filaos pour abriter ma lecture. Lagon turquoise & tiède pour baigner mon corps. Quelques longueurs pour détendre les courbatures. Quelques foulées pour évacuer les tensions, les émotions coincées. Et mes amours qui jouent dans le jardin.
Plus proche de moi, avec ce temps que je m'accorde. Cette intra-plongée. Après tant d'abrutissement, de course, de fuites… L'audace de sentir mes émotions. D'être vulnérable. De se montrer fragile.
Besoin de propre. de repères. de santé. de repos. de soleil. d'étoiles. de brise. d'iode. de maison. de famille. de hearty meals. de légèreté. de folies.
Apprendre a respirer. Apprivoiser son souffle. Ecouter son corps. Aller a sa rencontre. Rencontre de soi. Se rencontrer dans le sport. A travers les sens dans les soins qu'on lui porte. Dans la nourriture qu'on lui donne.
Une place pour chaque chose. Pour chacun. Un certain ordre. Savoir ou l'on se tient. Une soirée toute seule. Un film. De la lecture. Des soins. Un message d'amour. Ma main crèmée pose le téléphone sur la table de chevet. Le sourire au coeur. L'âme bleue... mais à sa place. Je m'endors bercée par la respiration de ce petit corps. We are alive.
This week
Not much perspective over the past week…
Meanwhile I've got no recent photos to share, but those rainy days have brought back to my mind the rainy days we had in Europe last summer...
la cabane du port
tarte aux fraises du Medoc
estuary picnic
strawberries picking
Bliss is family
I am not one who writes down new years' resolutions. Knowing that it won't last anyway, i guess i don't even bother. Or perhaps because i consider the 1st of January as any other day of the year- no big deal. I actually don't like new years' eves & the first days of January are a time i'd fast-forward if i could. I get filled with nostalgia, and feel a bit unequiped to face another whole year. It's been that way since my teenage years... Until 2014 to my big surprise.
After a really hectic end of year, with days so filled & fast paced that made my head dizzy, my mind spinning & blank, my breath short, & my nights sleepless-I guess i've allowed myself to listen to my 'self'. I felt the need to honor the current me. The one who feels homey. Who needs to protect her time. To nurture her health. Her relationships. Her family. Who needs to slow down, to reconnect with her body, emotions, with nature & the beauty around. And so I did. The first days of the year were spent with no agenda, sleeping in, napping, cooking & baking (just because), taking walks with my wee family, reading, playing, enjoying a cyclone...
And yeah, now i'm wondering if i should really commit to coming back here every week… What if i don't have anything to say. What if i can't make it. Well life happens. Maybe somedays i'll be too caught up in the business of living. Somedays I'll have stories or opinions. Somedays I'll feel prosaic. Somedays i'll only have mundane things to write about. Somedays only pictures to share. Somedays I'll be sharing joy. Some others messes or tears.
But grateful for all of it. Enjoying all of it.
