Sweet life-or not so sweet- of a homemaker

10 mars 2014

Gratefulness & Beauty

{Note: Started writing this post on friday, but only able to publish it today} 

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A few nights ago I was standing on my balcony breathing in all the beauty of the star filled sky & taking in some fresh air. The house next door was having a party, with the noise, the music pounding, the loud stupid drunken laughs {i know mine must also sound like that after a few drinks}.

And there would be no other place I'd rather be than on this balcony-oh-so-connected to this sky & mountain & half moon shining. It brought back to me the memories of so many parties I've been too in my young years, of so many nights spent gazing up there, trying to find a connection to something that would feel more real than this young partying-faking-numbing-crowd. 

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Today I am standing exactly where I feel I ought to. Surrounded by nature. With a wild mind. Getting back a sense of 'myself'. Reconnecting with my creativity. Whether it be in self expression on the blog, writing, photographing the beautiful people in my life, baking for my loved ones...

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I am learning to find happiness in gratitude. Gratitude for the most mundane basics of the daily living. It can be found in a morning jog in the forest trail alongside my lover, in eating a scrumptious homemade tatin aux mirabelles with a dollop of fresh homemade ricotta, or lunching on a homemade cornmeal bread simply served with cheese & jambon cru, in dancing on Papa was a rolling stone with my lil family while baking...

In music also. Actually music is so important in my life. It's a pity I tend to forget it so often. Music has a similar effect on me as alcohol has. It elates me & makes me feel happy. It brings out my tears & all my stuffed emotions which induce healing. And it brings rhythm into my body that starts jumping & twisting in every direction.

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So here we are. Surrounding ourselves with love & beauty.  Learning to change the ugly into the beautiful. Running, free as this lil guy.

Posté par la beka à 22:09 - Commentaires [1] - Permalien [#]


25 février 2014

Week #8 Bonne nuit

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Ce soir tu es fatigué. Ce soir je suis rentrée a la maison a 18h45 après une longue journée de boulot et je suis fatiguée. Ce soir ton papa est moody parcequ'il a du avoir une journée de travail pas facile. Et ce soir a 20hr30 j'ai pas envie d'entendre 'MAMAAAN' pour la 847ème fois en 1hr. Je n'ai pas envie que tu me répète chaque parole de 'Cars' et que tu me décrive chaque scène. Et non je n'ai ni l'envie, ni la force de jouer au tracteur. Et je sens ma mâchoire se serrer, les mots se bousculer pour faire mal, les tensions accumulées qui veulent sortir. 

Je me penche a ton niveau pendant que tu te brosse les dents assis sur le bord du lavabo. Et je t'écoute me raconter tes histoire de copains qui font de la trottinette au lieu de te brosser les dents. Et je regarde tes yeux jusqu'au plus profond où mon regard peut s'y plonger. Je ravale les mots qui font mal. Tu ne merite pas ça.
On se roule sur le lit pour reconnecter après ces longues heures de déconnexion. Ton corps se relâche et tu te laisse reposer au creux de mes bras. Si près de moi. 

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Te regarder dormir. Te sentir. Cette odeur. Cette peau si douce. Cette transpiration. Ce souffle qui entre et sort. Ce corps a l'abandon. Qui a tant besoin de moi. 3 ans pour le comprendre. 3 ans pour apprendre a être ta mère. Des mois a te laisser dans la solitude des longues nuits sur le conseil de professionnels que je payais. 
Aujourd'hui je suis là. Il n'y a ni passé, ni futur, ni erreurs. Now is a sacred moment. Chaque nuit a tes cotés. Chaque nuit mes bras, ma présence, ma peau, mon amour viscéral. Et ce tant que tu en auras besoin.
Bonne nuit.
 

Posté par la beka à 22:05 - Commentaires [1] - Permalien [#]
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18 février 2014

Week #7, Valentine's etc

I often find myself repeating the same words to start my posts " time flies, days go by so quickly…"

I've been meaning to come here since last week. But life comes first. 
So this has been my life lately:

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A beautiful, slow paced week-end, that included a friendly & out of this world lunch in Chamarel gorgeous mountains the week-end before, enjoying good company, pinot grigrio, fish terrine & a decadent salad.

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A sunday picnic at the beach, relaxing in the hammock while reading the newspaper.

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A sweet Valentine's day that ended up with a romantic dinner at home while Jules was sound asleep upstairs. Sipping some Viognier while baking a cheese soufflé, savoring the latter (so light, it melted in our mouth) served with a roquette & lardon salad on the side;  We finished the meal with a chocolate coulant topped with some crème fraiche & fruit des bois. All of it along with good conversation. A sweet Valentine's day.

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Well the picture does make it sound all prefect and shiny. But that's not the whole picture. If you want the raw, there's been a few days of sulk over silly matters with my man last week. There was working at the shop on saturdays. There were too many orders of baking. And not enough time to get things crossed off my endless-to-do-list. 

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But really I do feel so fortunate for the love in my life. My man. My boy. My siblings. My family. My friends. Even better, I have so many people to love.
So much inspiration. The beauty found in the everyday routine, rituals, rhythm… The cooking, the baking, the chopping, the tasting… the washing machine loading, the hanging up of the clothes, the grocery shop's aisles... The smile of this lil guy I wake up to each morning. The pretty face of the man i wake up to every morning. The breath I inhale & exhale through my body. 

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Bref, getting closer to myself. And to the life I want to live. A life filled with love and waffles, cakes and pavlovas. 

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Posté par la beka à 22:39 - Commentaires [1] - Permalien [#]
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03 février 2014

La place des choses

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Long week-end de déconnexion a Pointe d'Esny. Un portable qui ne capte pas. Un mac a peine ouvert. De bons repas mijotés par belle-maman. De la pluie pour rafraichir. Du soleil pour dorer ma peau. L'ombre des filaos pour abriter ma lecture. Lagon turquoise & tiède pour baigner mon corps. Quelques longueurs pour détendre les courbatures. Quelques foulées pour évacuer les tensions, les émotions coincées. Et mes amours qui jouent dans le jardin. 

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Plus proche de moi, avec ce temps que je m'accorde. Cette intra-plongée. Après tant d'abrutissement, de course, de fuites… L'audace de sentir mes émotions. D'être vulnérable. De se montrer fragile. 

Besoin de propre. de repères. de santé. de repos. de soleil. d'étoiles. de brise. d'iode. de maison. de famille. de hearty meals. de légèreté. de folies. 

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Apprendre a respirer. Apprivoiser son souffle. Ecouter son corps. Aller a sa rencontre. Rencontre de soi. Se rencontrer dans le sport. A travers les sens dans les soins qu'on lui porte. Dans la nourriture qu'on lui donne.

Apprendre l'art de la décision. Décider en prenant compte de ce que je sais de moi. Petites décisions quotidiennes qui m'aident a construire un environnement qui me convient.
Les choses se font sans que l'on s'en rende compte. Arrêter de fumer. Arrêter de boire. Parvenir a se faire les ongles. Se remettre au sport. Gérer son stress avec grace. Refuser certaines pressions. Apprécier la route & le paysage.

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Une place pour chaque chose. Pour chacun. Un certain ordre. Savoir ou l'on se tient. Une soirée toute seule. Un film. De la lecture. Des soins. Un message d'amour. Ma main crèmée pose le téléphone sur la table de chevet. Le sourire au coeur. L'âme bleue... mais à sa place. Je m'endors bercée par la respiration de ce petit corps. We are alive.

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Posté par la beka à 22:44 - Commentaires [0] - Permalien [#]
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26 janvier 2014

This week

Not much perspective over the past week… 

So here I am, en vrac:
 
Real:
Aching bones & muscles, shivering body, general weakness & nauseous, since wednesday… to end up with a stomach bug & feet that hurt so much when I put them down on the floor... 
Still had to answer the call of work… the baking & cooking with my queasy stomach…not a joy for once... the chocolate moelleux that slipped from my hands & dropped into pieces on the kitchen work surface. The re-baking of another cake early next morning before going to work…
Life happens even on hard days. And learning does happen too... 

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Grateful:
Lying down over comfortable cushions, on a rainy & dark, gloomy afternoon, with a novel in my hand… and guess what? Without one ounce of guilt… BECAUSE my body is asking for that REST.
In the midst of sickness, i realize even more what my priorities are, that the well organized pantry, the elaborate cooking, the chores, the deadlines, the self-imposed shoulds & musts, the insurance forms to fill, the phone calls to make, the emails to write, are no urgency.  The rest, the sleep, looking straight into the eyes on my lil Duracell (aka Jules), listening to his high-pitched voice & seeing his funny 'mimiques', holding, kissing… that's the important. The undistracted love. The one kind that's food to my soul.
I'm slowly finding my peace. Sickness might even be helping. 

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Meanwhile I've got no recent photos to share, but those rainy days have brought back to my mind the rainy days we had in Europe last summer... 

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la cabane du port

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tarte aux fraises du Medoc

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estuary picnic

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strawberries picking

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Posté par la beka à 22:53 - Commentaires [0] - Permalien [#]
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19 janvier 2014

Bliss is family

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I am not one who writes down new years' resolutions. Knowing that it won't last anyway, i guess i don't even bother. Or perhaps because i consider the 1st of January as any other day of the year- no big deal. I actually don't like new years' eves & the first days of January are a time i'd fast-forward if i could. I get filled with nostalgia, and feel a bit unequiped to face another whole year. It's been that way since my teenage years... Until 2014 to my big surprise.

 

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After a really hectic end of year, with days so filled & fast paced that made my head dizzy, my mind spinning & blank, my breath short, & my nights sleepless-I guess i've allowed myself to listen to my 'self'. I felt the need to honor the current me. The one who feels homey. Who needs to protect her time. To nurture her health. Her relationships. Her family. Who needs to slow down, to reconnect with her body, emotions, with nature & the beauty around. And so I did. The first days of the year were spent with no agenda, sleeping in, napping, cooking & baking (just because), taking walks with my wee family, reading, playing, enjoying a cyclone...

 

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And taking the time to think or simply feel, actually brought up a few resolutions -or i'd rather say inspiration for this new year.
One of them is the reason that brings me here. I have the project to be more present here & to try to be more connected with you- whether it be with news, words, moods, recipes or pictures- I'll try to come share once a week…
Which i've obviously already failed -week 3/52- I missed the 2 first weeks of January...

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But here that brings me to my other big resolution/challenge: To stop being so hard on myself. To let go of this perfectionism that has so much grip on me. To let go of that incessant planning, of those enless to-do lists. To embrace my insecurities. To allow myself to be imperfect, to fail, to hurt. To love myself. 
So here I am today and hopefully that's where you'll find me in 2014… A homebody enjoying sweet family time at home, spending my saturday nights cooking or rearranging my decorative accessories - oh well maybe indulging in a good meal & sipping wine with friends sometimes too- 
Slowing down. Seeking peace & calm & presence. Regular unplugging. 

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And yeah, now i'm wondering if i should really commit to coming back here every week… What if i don't have anything to say. What if i can't make it. Well life happens. Maybe somedays i'll be too caught up in the business of living. Somedays I'll have stories or opinions. Somedays I'll feel prosaic. Somedays i'll only have mundane things to write about. Somedays only pictures to share. Somedays I'll be sharing joy. Some others messes or tears.

But grateful for all of it. Enjoying all of it.

 

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Posté par la beka à 23:16 - Commentaires [3] - Permalien [#]



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