My Happy Places

(Written for my birthday- after a year of unintentional break from this space, as I was busy living a slower life & enjoying the coziness of my home & family, and sharing my day to day pictures/thoughts/mood with easier & quicker networks - such as Facebook & Instagram)

Today I am 34. I am celebrating another breath of life. I pour out the words that have been piling up inside since the month of June.

Blessed month. Feeling grateful for it all. Grateful for winter. For scrumptious & nutritious meals I feed my family with. Grateful for grey skies, fresher days and a duvet at night. Grateful for 9 years of marriage and a celebration of companionship, in hardship & in merrier days. Grateful for being a mom to the cutest & kindest boy. Grateful for a prayer in my heart, for some faith in love which is so grounding.

Grateful for the gift of staying home, for nesting & fresh flowers, and for very soon homeschooling my little one.

Grateful for this new rythm- a slower pace, with more rest, presence, connection & grace. A rythm filled with lots of therapeutic baking & cooking, gardening, working out, strechting & balancing on my TRX. Rythm with home & recipes. Filled with family, grocery errands, and movie nights with my hubby. Filled with the ordinary and normal. 

Hi all! Well i guess a few photos are better than a blank page...

So in a nutshell...

And today we are celebrating mothers here… nothing really special on the grill, just chilling with my small family…

The 1st winter days are here & I am enjoying the shy sunrays & chilled evenings so much... Looking forward to the hearty dinners & the lazy movie evenings with my man…

Now i'm off to bake a pie for mothers day - but do we really need excuses? I can't decide wether i'll make a lemon meringue or caramel chocolate one… hesitating between the healthy -yeah lemon detoxifies & meringue is full of protein- or the decadent?

Hope you're all enjoying your Sunday & that you moms are being properly pampered!

ballade en foret

Here I am after a few weeks of silence. I've spent quite a few hours sitting lying in front of my blank screen… Thinking of what to write. Looking for words. But they were not coming.

My Superman

 Another Sunday lunch that streched into sunset with friends

{Note: Started writing this post on friday, but only able to publish it today} 

A few nights ago I was standing on my balcony breathing in all the beauty of the star filled sky & taking in some fresh air. The house next door was having a party, with the noise, the music pounding, the loud stupid drunken laughs {i know mine must also sound like that after a few drinks}.

And there would be no other place I'd rather be than on this balcony-oh-so-connected to this sky & mountain & half moon shining. It brought back to me the memories of so many parties I've been too in my young years, of so many nights spent gazing up there, trying to find a connection to something that would feel more real than this young partying-faking-numbing-crowd. 

Today I am standing exactly where I feel I ought to. Surrounded by nature. With a wild mind. Getting back a sense of 'myself'. Reconnecting with my creativity. Whether it be in self expression on the blog, writing, photographing the beautiful people in my life, baking for my loved ones...

I am learning to find happiness in gratitude. Gratitude for the most mundane basics of the daily living. It can be found in a morning jog in the forest trail alongside my lover, in eating a scrumptious homemade tatin aux mirabelles with a dollop of fresh homemade ricotta, or lunching on a homemade cornmeal bread simply served with cheese & jambon cru, in dancing on Papa was a rolling stone with my lil family while baking...

In music also. Actually music is so important in my life. It's a pity I tend to forget it so often. Music has a similar effect on me as alcohol has. It elates me & makes me feel happy. It brings out my tears & all my stuffed emotions which induce healing. And it brings rhythm into my body that starts jumping & twisting in every direction.

So here we are. Surrounding ourselves with love & beauty.  Learning to change the ugly into the beautiful. Running, free as this lil guy.

Ce soir tu es fatigué. Ce soir je suis rentrée a la maison a 18h45 après une longue journée de boulot et je suis fatiguée. Ce soir ton papa est moody parcequ'il a du avoir une journée de travail pas facile. Et ce soir a 20hr30 j'ai pas envie d'entendre 'MAMAAAN' pour la 847ème fois en 1hr. Je n'ai pas envie que tu me répète chaque parole de 'Cars' et que tu me décrive chaque scène. Et non je n'ai ni l'envie, ni la force de jouer au tracteur. Et je sens ma mâchoire se serrer, les mots se bousculer pour faire mal, les tensions accumulées qui veulent sortir. 

I often find myself repeating the same words to start my posts " time flies, days go by so quickly…"

Long week-end de déconnexion a Pointe d'Esny. Un portable qui ne capte pas. Un mac a peine ouvert. De bons repas mijotés par belle-maman. De la pluie pour rafraichir. Du soleil pour dorer ma peau. L'ombre des filaos pour abriter ma lecture. Lagon turquoise & tiède pour baigner mon corps. Quelques longueurs pour détendre les courbatures. Quelques foulées pour évacuer les tensions, les émotions coincées. Et mes amours qui jouent dans le jardin. 

Plus proche de moi, avec ce temps que je m'accorde. Cette intra-plongée. Après tant d'abrutissement, de course, de fuites… L'audace de sentir mes émotions. D'être vulnérable. De se montrer fragile. 

Besoin de propre. de repères. de santé. de repos. de soleil. d'étoiles. de brise. d'iode. de maison. de famille. de hearty meals. de légèreté. de folies. 

Apprendre a respirer. Apprivoiser son souffle. Ecouter son corps. Aller a sa rencontre. Rencontre de soi. Se rencontrer dans le sport. A travers les sens dans les soins qu'on lui porte. Dans la nourriture qu'on lui donne.

Une place pour chaque chose. Pour chacun. Un certain ordre. Savoir ou l'on se tient. Une soirée toute seule. Un film. De la lecture. Des soins. Un message d'amour. Ma main crèmée pose le téléphone sur la table de chevet. Le sourire au coeur. L'âme bleue... mais à sa place. Je m'endors bercée par la respiration de ce petit corps. We are alive.

Not much perspective over the past week… 

I am not one who writes down new years' resolutions. Knowing that it won't last anyway, i guess i don't even bother. Or perhaps because i consider the 1st of January as any other day of the year- no big deal. I actually don't like new years' eves & the first days of January are a time i'd fast-forward if i could. I get filled with nostalgia, and feel a bit unequiped to face another whole year. It's been that way since my teenage years... Until 2014 to my big surprise.

After a really hectic end of year, with days so filled & fast paced that made my head dizzy, my mind spinning & blank, my breath short, & my nights sleepless-I guess i've allowed myself to listen to my 'self'. I felt the need to honor the current me. The one who feels homey. Who needs to protect her time. To nurture her health. Her relationships. Her family. Who needs to slow down, to reconnect with her body, emotions, with nature & the beauty around. And so I did. The first days of the year were spent with no agenda, sleeping in, napping, cooking & baking (just because), taking walks with my wee family, reading, playing, enjoying a cyclone...

Des semaines que les mots tournent dans ma tête pour te souhaiter un bel anniversaire

mon grand bonhomme de 3 ans dont je suis si fière - & qui est si fier de les avoir enfin! ;)

bref 3 ans pour comprendre que je suis maman, 

beaucoup de temps perdu

mais tant de jours devant nous

& tant d'amour encore a se donner pour guérir de tout